My friend had sadly died and yet I couldn’t shed a single tear 😢

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My friend had sadly died and yet I couldn’t shed a single tear 😢

I tried, several times but still no tears flowed. What was wrong with me?

It would take me many years to answer that question but eventually I realised I was numb.

I didn’t really feel much of any emotion, not intensely like other people did.

I felt no real sadness but I also didn’t feel real happiness or excitement.

I know now that was my brain working to protect me, from pain, fear, hurt and rejection.

That and a life time of encouragement to shut down my emotions –

Get up and get on with it
Don’t cry
Why are you being so sensitive
Man up

And the rest!

But you see we can’t numb ourselves to one set of emotions. If we numb ourselves to one, we numb ourselves to all.

This makes it very hard to fully participle in life or to be fulfilled and if we’re not here for those then what are we here for?

I’ve come to realise that to fully feel and appreciate the highs of life I must also feel the lows.

It hasn’t been easy and it’s taken some time but I’ve reconnected with my emotions.

I give myself the time and space to acknowledge and feel them, something I didn’t do before.

And the result? I’m happier and healthier than I’ve ever been.

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