I have spent longer than I care to remember trying to FEEL enough.
To BE enough.
Maybe if I could get that next promotion?
Or that salary increase?
Maybe then I would be enough…
Maybe if I straightened my hair I would fit in?
If I lost that weight then I could be like the other pretty girls?
If I got those clothes I would be trendy enough?
And the biggest one for me…
Maybe if my skin was finally clear then I would be beautiful.
And then and only then would I find the one to love me, because finally then I would be enough.
Wouldn’t I? ?
I was so embarrassed by my blotchy skin that I hid it from myself and everyone else under layers of make up and skin clearing filters.
I was ashamed of my face.
What the actual f*ck!!
The problem was none of it ever led to me feeling that I was enough.
And in the process of trying so hard to be who I thought I should be, I lost who I really am.
So I’ve been using lock down to learn to love myself, my true self.
To work through the layers of identify I have adopted but that aren’t really me.
Some of those layers have been obvious and others have been there so long it’s taken me a while to spot them.
Slowly but surely I have been getting back to Natalie. To ME!
Because finally I know that I am enough.
Finally I can post these pictures of my natural hair and my natural face.
No make up or filters to hide the blemishes, just a little mascara to enhance what I have rather than hide what I have.
Finally I love me so much I can show you the real me.
Finally I know that I am beautiful and lovable just the way I am.
Finally I FEEL enough ❤️