My familiar friend anxiety crept across my chest earlier today…
At first it was subtle, I was aware of my breathing feeling less easy and a heaviness on my chest, but I didn’t initially recognise it as anxiety.
Why would I be feeling anxious anyway! I was relaxing at the time as I stretched my body and then body brushed and moisturised.
I also danced to music, listened to an audiobook and pottered around with my essential oils.
Life is good!
So why the anxiety…?
You may have noticed I called anxiety my friend. It’s a friend because it bares a message for me, a message for my betterment…
So in reminding myself of this I took a beat to be with the anxiety, to let it be fully alive within me so that I could hear the message.
Why are you here anxiety? What have you got for me today?
And then it comes, the whisperings of my subconscious mind.
You should be working…
You daughter is at the childminders and you’re using it to be self indulgent…
Pleasure, you don’t have time for pleasure, you should be working…
You should be earning your worth…
Who do you think you are…
You’re excessive, one self care item was enough…
This is not what you are supposed to be doing…
Anxiety you see was the proxy for shame!
Shame for not doing life right.
Shame for not being productive enough.
Shame for being self indulgent.
Shame for allowing myself joy and pleasure.
Shame handed down through well meaning family members who were taught that joy and pleasure were not becoming, especially for women.
They clipped my wings and reigned me in.
They shamed me to keep me within acceptable margins.
And if the family I speak of here is reading this I love you and I am grateful for you keeping me safe in the world the only way you knew how. I see your innocence and I am grateful.
BUT this is not for me. I choose to continue to work this joy limiting way of being out of my psyche.
It is safe for me to live a great life with joy and pleasure in abundance and it safe for me to be the creator of joy and pleasure in my life.
I am enough.
I am becoming.
I am worthy.
And so are you 💜
If like me you have been programmed to believe life should be all work and no play and despite a conscious rejection of this idea it is embedded in your psyche and affecting your quality of life…
Know that it doesn’t have to!
With a pinch of self love and an ounce of curiosity you can learn to come home to yourself like I have.
To honour the emotions that rise within you and use them as an internal satnav guiding you through life.
To find love and gratitude for what you were taught AND say no it’s not for me.
To create new ways of being that allow you to feel good about living a really great life.
To have a level of self awareness that notices when old beliefs and patterns are playing out and to stop them in their tracks.
I want to empower you.
I want to share the journey with you back to you.
I want to shower you with love, guidance and support until you can do it all for yourself.
I want to help you cultivate a level of self awareness that sets you free from what doesn’t serve you.
I want to co create a version of you and your life that you fucking love.
If my soul speaks to yours, if you are curious about working with me, send me a DM or book in a discovery session.
Let’s connect and consider which of my offers is going to be most suitable for your transformation 💜